joy.

Ok. So it's been a while, and this may just be the 'scraps' that I can pull together right now...I've spent like 20 hours this weekend studying/writing papers (yes I counted...ohh, finals...), so I may be pretty well spent as far as coherent thinking goes. But this is good for me. 


(Shoot. I promised myself I would never start a blog with a 'disclaimer'.....it feels like I'm essentially saying "sorry if this sucks"....eh, just this once ;) forgive me?)


God told me this today (in my kitchen, if that matters!): Your joy makes a difference. Ah...I will try to convey how huge this is.


It had been a little while since I've been in that place of worship and prayer where I am unhindered and undiscouraged and undistracted, and the Lord just pours out the joy of His presence...and I was starting to really miss it. 


Another piece of this is that lately I'd been feeling like the words He's spoken to me, that were filled with such power and depth and significance at the time they were given, are distant. It's almost as if once the newness and excitement of revelation wears off, it's easy to forget the weight of His promises. 


But He is so good. It's like with the smallest movement on my part in His general direction, He comes rushing toward me in all His love, like He was just waiting for my eyes to be on Him. 


It's like someone flipped a switch. I've been reminding myself of His promises, and thanking Him for His word, and asking Him to breathe new life into those promises, those words. And today, He showed me something huge...and not really what I was expecting.


I think it would be easy to focus on joy as a feeling. Which, joy is an emotion, and humans are emotional creatures, and that is not a bad thing. Our God wants to engage our whole person, including at an emotional level. But more than that, why joy is significant and such a blessing is because of the context of it--it comes from HIM! It comes with an encounter. It infuses my heart with gratefulness for who He is and what He's done. It changes my perspective from one of striving to one of thanking. 


Ah! So not only does joy just flat out feel good, it is swollen with purpose. It is a means by which thankfulness is evoked in me. It turns the eyes of my heart to my savior.


What's more, and here's what I feel to be the main part of this revelation, my joy holds purpose for the people around me. The people in my life are infected with my joy, and when my joy is stolen, it robs from others as well. And I don't think what the Lord meant by this is some surface-y, cheesy, "smiling-is-contagious" fluffy, happy thing. I think it's a lot deeper and weightier than that. Maybe I'll be able to expand on that later...


But for now, to the people in my life: because I love you deeply and my Jesus does even more so, I 


choose 


joy.


And please forgive me for when I have not. 


Every word of God is flawless; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. - Proverbs 30:6