less.

This week I had to register for classes for spring semester. So stressful--trying to figure out which classes to take, how many I need to take, how to balance that with what I want/don't want to take.

Basically, here's what it came down to: take more credits because I feel like I should and my friends are and maybe later it will pay off OR take less credits because more feels overwhelming.

I went with the "less" option.

I suppose it's all about priorities. Yes, school is a priority right now when it comes to how my time is structured. My main priority, even. But I decided on less credits because, the way my wise, wonderful Mama put it, "Making space is a very holy thing."

See, I could throw myself entirely into school, get perfect grades, take a huge class load, and be very successful in my academic endeavors.

...At the expense of nearly everything else.

Or, I could give myself some holy space. Intentionally leave room for the things that are my true and lasting priorities. Because the Jesus who loves me has called me to a life centered around relationship with him. Which means time with him, and flowing from that is time with other people, time to create, time to rest, time to just enjoy.

So I slid out from under the guilt that plagues someone who puts unrealistic and unhealthy expectations on herself (who, me???) and chose

less.

(And quite honestly, I'm pretty happy about it!)

feed me.

Food is one of my favorite things on the planet. But not just any food...really specific food, the kind that makes me feel good and gives me energy and keeps me healthy. For whatever reason, it would seem that God has made me one of the most sensitive people I know when it comes to what I eat. At times it feels like walking on the edge of a precipice...one misplaced step and it's an all-out landslide. 

Another thing I've found is that the effects of food are not just physical. When I'm eating well, eating in the way that I know makes me feel good, I am more even-keeled emotionally; I am clear mentally; I do better academically; I am more social. And, it is easier to stay focused spiritually--to be tuned in to what the Lord is saying to me and what's going on in my heart. 

It's all so connected. 

Here's where it gets hard. I don't think it's just a straight-forward, cause-and-effect type of deal. I don't think it's a matter of "I'm doing great spiritually-emotionally-mentally, so I'm eating well" (even though that's often the case). Nor is it "I'm eating well, so I'm also doing great spiritually-emotionally-mentally" (even though that's also true at times).

In addition to being so connected, it feels so complicated. 

However, seeing this connection and having experienced what it's like when it all just clicks--listening to my body, eating what it likes, staying away from what it doesn't--IT IS SO WORTH IT. There are so many factors in every day life that contribute to where I'm at emotionally and spiritually. This is one that is in my control. I can choose to remove the "eating crap that messes with my body" factor from the equation that adds up to my health (mind&body&spirit). 

This could easily become one of those things in my life where I expect perfection from myself. Where I beat myself up when (not if, but when!) I fail. And there have been times where it has definitely been a struggle with perfectionism and discouragement and guilt.

But the way I see it now: the fact that eating well is even a struggle is evidence of the fallenness of this world. Within that framework, it is purely God in his goodness who has shown me these things--reminded me that He designed my body, and He designed it to operate a certain way. That my body is a temple for His Spirit, and when I care for it He can better do His work. All of this must be viewed through the lens of His love for me, His goodness towards me! Anything else will leave me disillusioned and utterly discouraged. 

Just some thoughts...who knew eating was such a huge deal? And I don't think I'm alone in this...